Self Pity
by theperksofbeinganauthor
Summary: "'I pity your future girlfriend, Potter,' Lily said with a grin, looking up to observe the boy that she had addressed the statement towards." However, by the end of their conversation, she finds herself regretting what she said to him. R&R!


**~ Self Pity ~**

**theperksofbeinganauthor**

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"I pity your future girlfriend, Potter," Lily said with a grin, looking up to observe the boy that she had addressed the statement towards.

Because they were both Head students, she had gotten a chance to see a whole new side to James during their patrols and in between classes. He'd occasionally sit near her during classes or bother her in the common room when she stayed up late to do homework. And she especially enjoyed—although she would not admit it to anyone—all random times he would appear in front of her during the day.

It wasn't just this year. After the "incident" during the end of fifth year, he slowly stopped talking to her all together and Lily began to notice changes in his behavior since the first day of sixth year. And although she tried to be extremely discreet about her glances and her studious looks in his direction, she was caught several times last year by James's best mate. She denied and denied but she managed to convince nobody other than herself. Now, even she wasn't fooled. She really fancied James Potter—just don't tell him that.

With the stress of N.E.W.T.s, Head duties, and all the wonderful things that come with being a seventh year student at Hogwarts, Lily had to admit—rather grudgingly—that she looked forward to the times where James would randomly come up to her in the middle of the day just to say, "Alright Evans?" and then proceeds with something mildly entertaining or hilarious to listen to. She also came to notice that his voice was extremely soothing and melodious. It was nice and relaxing to hear after a stressful day, and it took her awhile to get used to the idea of him in general—him being around her, talking to her, walking with her, eating with her, messing with her, teasing to her, touching her—where did that thought come from?

In addition to that terrible confession, she would have to confess that she had harbored feelings for him as well. And it wasn't the good kind either... it was the icky kind of feelings full of butterflies and awkward tingles. After that, she had come to the conclusion that she fancied James Potter.

At this point, her best mate didn't even know about her fancy for the boy and she never intended to tell her in the first place. Therefore, she wanted this little thing to with James to remain as it is. She was pretty sure he didn't fancy her anymore, after everything that she had said to him in the past (she probably wouldn't even forgive herself if she was him). Regretting her words, she tried to make it up to him and spend this entire year making him laugh. His laugh was so mesmerizing; she was under the impression that she had to go out of her way to make him laugh just to hear the wonderful sounds that emitted from his throat.

And right now, they were both patrolling the corridors, on the lookout for students out of bed after curfew. It was just like every other patrol they had to do together, with the exception of the silence that seemed to have drowned them both. That's why Lily blurted out the first thing that came into her mind—peeved by the silence.

Mentally smacking herself, she looked at him stupidly, waiting for a response. She hated doing that—making stupid comments and hoping that he would not think that she is a complete idiot because he took away her ability to articulate.

He looked thoroughly amused, which was a good sign she figured. The last thing she wanted was for him to think she was some idiot that she made herself be with his presence beside her. For some reason, she lost all control over herself when she was around him and did the stupidest things that she would beat herself up over later. And this situation was the perfect example of that happening on a daily basis.

Just moments before, he had said something about a girlfriend but she did not hear most of his sentence since she was busy ogling—um... turning the corner—to listen properly. He opened his mouth, and it took Lily a while to realize that he was beginning to talk, straining her ears to listen to what he had to say about her stupid statement.

It was rather stupid, she reflected. She definitely shouldn't have said that. However, she wanted to make conversation and that was the first thing that she thought of. She wouldn't mind being his girlfriend at this point—which was totally ridiculous. Her desire for such a position was stronger than she'd ever thought. And she certainly did not need self-pity at this moment. "And why would that be?" His eyebrows were raised, challenging her to answer him.

It took her awhile to take in his words, and it took her another quick moment to realize that she would have to come up with a response. This was harder than she thought—maintaining a conversation with James when she was busy thinking other things about him. Not that she would ever reveal to anyone what she was thinking about at this moment since it was definitely not an innocent thought. It involved a wall and a lot of ravis—Ahem.

Something to say. Something to say. She racked her mind quickly, trying to think of something intelligent or witty to say.

"Because she'd have to deal with you all day."

"Oh sure. You make something wonderful sound like a punishment."

Lily rolled her eyes at him, making sure that he saw it. "Getting arrogant now, aren't we? Not everybody enjoys your company as much as you think they do."

James shrugged simply. "I beg to differ. Everyone loves my company." Honestly, he was much too full of himself. Lily knew that she didn't have to compliment him in order to boost his ego. He seemed to know that his company was appreciated—and sadly, it was completely true... as well as every other assumption that he probably has about himself. He was loved by everybody (well maybe except the Slytherins) and most of the girls wouldn't mind snogging his face off (some of the guys probably wouldn't mind either). "You seem to enjoy my company as well; don't think that I do not notice these things, Evans."

He flung an arm over her shoulder and gave her a winning smile. Pulling her closer, he kissed her cheek tenderly and smirked when he saw her fight back a smile. "And you seem to enjoy my kisses too."

"What makes you so sure—that I enjoy your company and your kisses I mean..." Lily hesitated a bit, looking at him innocently (or as innocently as possible). She was trying not to pay attention to the arm that was casually thrown across her shoulder—quite frankly, it was sending tingles everywhere.

"Because you fancy me and you want to be my girlfriend," he stated calmly.

Lily sputtered, finding herself unable to articulate. Looking at her predicament and inability to do anything, he grinned and added as an afterthought, "You know, self-pity doesn't really do much."

As she was still gasping like a fish out of water, she finally managed to utter out, "How did you know?"

"You're not the most discreet person when it comes to your feelings, Evans."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really, Potter. How did you know?"

"Sirius," he admitted sheepishly, looking at Lily's murderous face. "But that's besides the point. You're in luck, Evans. I just happen to fancy you too."

A smile spread across her features as she snuggled up to his chest. It was a wonderful feeling—finally being able to confess how she really felt about him. It troubled her when she had to keep her feelings hidden and discreet. Now that James knew about it and returned her feelings, it felt nice. However, her euphoria quickly came to an end and she found herself eating up her words at James's declaration.

"Say, what was it that you said earlier about pitying my future girlfriend—_oww_, Lily!"

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_**A/N:** And despite the many years that I have spent reading Lily and James FanFiction (as a matter of fact, I spend every possible (free) moment reading it from my phone), I feel so very icky and awkward writing it. They are my absolute favorite pairing and I would love to write fantasies about them all day, but unfortunately, the only thing I can do is daydream about them because I never felt as if I will ever be able to capture it perfect or achieve any level of perfection that lives in my mind. Dreaming about it is one thing but writing about it is much more permanent. Even after all the attempts that I have made, I've never made it to more than 100 words. I am terribly afraid of being unable to live up to my own expectations of this pairing as well as others as well (my lovely readers). And that's why I solemnly ask for your opinion and feedback on this. It will be much appreciated and I will sincerely worship the ground you walk on._

_I'm pretty sure I screwed up the ending, but this was poorly prepared. Tell me what you think, yeah?_

_With much love,_

_Lily_


End file.
